Mechanical Turk for Games

Burningvillage

2/17/2007 3:17:22 PM #

Though completly unrelated to the topic:

Heaven Fails ISO 9000 Audit

Vatican City - Quality Assurance auditors from Alpha & Omega Consultants announced today that Heaven has failed in its quest to become an ISO 9000 compliant engineering organization. Citing Creation's complete dependence on the unpredictable whims of an omnipotent deity, auditors determined that Heaven is sorely lacking in several key quality management process areas.

According to senior auditor Tom Aquinas, Heaven's most egregious offense was its lack of customer focus. "Customers feel that their needs and expectations should be addressed, at least superficially," said Aquinas. "Ask any mortal schmuck on the street and they'll tell you that all they want is just an inkling of absolute truth -- some modest beacon to guide them as they stumble timidly through the dark back alleys of existence. But Heaven prefers a blind faith approach to salvation instead -- a choice that didn't even register with marketing surveys."

Other quality key process areas were found to be lacking as well. "Involvement of people was erratic and inconsistent," said Aquinas. "First, omnipotent deities are usually micromanagers who are reluctant to delegate tasks to middle management. Second, there's still that whole free will versus determinism controversy, so the impact that a single individual can make on Heaven's lumbering bureaucracy is the subject of intense theological debate."

"Heaven has failed to embrace a process-based approach," lamented consultant Marty Luther. "Instead, the quality of their products is dependent on the heroic efforts of a single individual...or divinity in this case. Unfortunately, this results in inconsistent output stemming from a ship-it-then-fix it attitude. How else would you account for the design flaws inherent in the platypus, the San Andreas Fault, or British cuisine? Those severely flawed items just never should have made it into production."

"If Heaven had conducted business according to a defined and repeatable process with proper checks and balances from the quality assurance department, then they never would have had to issue that devastating global recall in the time of Noah's flood," added Aquinas.

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Burningvillage

2/17/2007 3:19:38 PM #

God Creates Universe in Seven Days, Perl Gods Not Impressed

Boulder, CO - Self proclaimed Perl God Merrill Wallman says he is unimpressed by God's feat of creating the universe in seven days.  "That's nothing I once coded a custom Apache module over a weekend, but I didn't rest on Sunday like that slacker, God.  I haven't had seven days to complete a project in years, and God got one day of rest?  What a lazy ass.  He didn't even have to give status reports."

The God of PerlWallman also noted that "God obviously didn't debug, hasn't done any maintenance, and no documentation can be found. Truly amateur work."

Other Perl deities like Chris Kosman were also unimpressed, "I've seen nothing of God's work that compares to the Schwartzian Transform. And the simplicity of the Fisher-Yates shuffle is unequalled.  God could have saved a day or two if he'd just used some simple OOP and recursive functions.  I mean, who really writes procedural-oriented stuff these days anyhow?"

Kosman continued, "And 'Hey, God!?' there's a MODULE for assembling nucleic proteins and amino acids.  Try 'Use Biology:NA'.  These amateurs always try to re-invent the wheel.  And that platypus... could only be the result of unorganized spaghetti code.  Next time try running your code with '-w' and 'use strict'.  Then that sort of stuff won't happen.  I could go on for days."

God was not available for comment.

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